As human beings, we all naturally want to be helpful and supportive of others. It feels good to know that we can make a positive impact in someone else's life. However, there comes a time when we need to learn how to say no. Unfortunately, we live in a society that has taught us that saying no is selfish, but that just isn’t the case! It simply means that we are setting healthy boundaries for ourselves. It can be difficult at first, but once your boundaries are set into place, people will respect you more for them. They may even learn a thing or two from you!
So why is it important to say no?
Saying no can be incredibly difficult, especially when we don't want to disappoint or upset others. There are several reasons why it's important to learn how to say no:
When we say yes to everything, we can become overwhelmed and lose sight of our own priorities. Saying no allows us to focus on what's important to us and to allocate our time and energy accordingly.
When we're constantly saying yes to others, we can quickly become overworked and exhausted. Saying no allows us to take a step back and recharge our batteries. If you end up burnt out, then you end up not being able to help anyone, including yourself.
It helps build stronger relationships.
When we say yes to everything, we can become resentful and frustrated with others. Saying no allows us to communicate our needs and boundaries in a respectful way, which, in turn, can lead to stronger and healthier relationships.
How to Say No With Confidence
So we've gone over the importance of saying no, which I'm sure if you are reading this, you already know how saying yes to everything or the things that you don't want to do can be such a headache.
Saying no can feel uncomfortable in the beginning especially if you’re used to saying yes, but if there is anything i've learned about people pleasing, is that there is no greater resentment that we experience than the one towards ourselves. So in the end, you'll thank yourself once you master setting boundaries and saying no with confidence and grace. Here are some tips to help you say no:
Be clear and direct
When saying no, it's important to be clear and direct. Avoid using phrases like "I'm not sure" or "I'll think about it." Instead, say something like, "Unfortunately I will not make it tonight." Refrain from using language like "I can't" or "I am not able" or lying about why you choose not to do something. By doing the latter, you are consistently communicating to your subconscious mind that you are powerless, and that is a state we want to refrain from. You will feel much more empowered by being honest with your choices....which brings me to my next tip.
Be honest
If something doesn't align with you, if you it is something you don't want to do, respectfully tell the other person why. You are respecting who you are and your personal boundaries by doing this. If you actually have other obligations, then be honest about that too. "I will not make it tonight, I have plans with my bestfriend who is in town." Or "I feel tired and I'd like to stay home instead, thank you." Honesty is the best policy and grants you more respect from your peers.
Be respectful
It's important to be respectful when saying no. Express your gratitude for the opportunity and let the person know that you appreciate them thinking of you. This can soften the blow of you saying no and allows the person an open invitation to potentially ask for help in the future without fear of ridicule. But always remember, be direct. If it's something you never want to do, then prevent them from asking in the future by letting them know in a respectful manner.
Practice saying no
Saying no can be uncomfortable, especially if you're used to saying yes all the time. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations, such as turning down an invitation to a social event. Or, if you know someone is going to ask you to do something, you can even practice saying no in the mirror!
In the beginning you may feel some guilt saying no. This stems from the fear of not being liked or making others unhappy. Always remember it's never as bad as you think!